Looking to get back into the workforce? Spruce up your resume with all the new skills, qualifications and awards you gained since you became a mother.
- UN Peace Negotiator. Every mother who has broken up a battle of epic proportions between siblings the likes of which you won’t even see in the Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, gets awarded a Nobel Price for Peace.
- Private Driver. With all those school runs and drives to soccer practice and ballet recitals and music lessons and play dates, mothers average more experience and more mileage than the average private driver, making them more qualified to drive (little) people around than just about anyone else.
- P.A. Making appointments, creating and cancelling lunch meetings, taking phone calls, remembering birthdays and other important date and generally knowing everything there is to know about the life of someone else: mothers are qualified P.A.’s.
- Personal shopper and stylist. Picking the perfect outfits, polishing mysterious stains out at the last moment, taming untameable hair and dressing something as agile and quick as a chimpanzee every day in 10 second flat.
- Cleaner. Need we say more? Everyone who can scrub puke out of a sofa deserves to be called a professional cleaner.
- Handy(wo)man. Groundskeeper. You single-handedly run an entire estate.
- Intellectual. Mums can dispense advice for any situation. They know the answer to everything, from ‘Why are banana’s crooked’ to ‘why do I have to go to school every day?’ They are omniscient and truly the great thinkers of our time.
- Voice actress. If only Disney was around during bedtime story reading, they would hire you on the spot.
- Chef. Creating wonderful dishes which need to be both nutritious and delicious. Also, they can only consist of chips, ketchup and fish fingers.
- Excursion leader. Guide. Mothers manage the impressive feat of keeping a whole flock of children – more than one child may from now on be called a flock – safe while entertaining them while still teaching them about things. Madness.
I think it’s safe to say you can take on any job you want.