The New Teacher

Here is a poem that was printed in the Scottish Daily Express on Sunday 17th July.  It’s very funny. Many thanks and acknowledgement to the writer Mr Jim Douglas, Glenfraig, Perthshire for writing this poem in the poetry section.

I’m not knocking the Scots language. I live there!  I think  it’s quite nice but I do wonder with poems like this to learn, no wonder kids struggle to learn English for their exams.  I think many a teacher and parent will get a laugh at this one below with school coming back not so far away. Remember also to order your name labels early for the next year as we are crazy busy here meeting tonnes of orders already so the later the harder it is to get them to you on time.  Best Regards,



Is a dove a doo Dad

Is a doo a dove

Is a cow a coo Dad

A sparrow jist a spyug

And is a wall a waw Dad

Is a dog a dug

She’s gonny warm me ear Dad

Instead o’ skelp ma lug.


Ma teacher’s awfy posh Dad

She changes aw orr names

Wee Shuggie now is Hugh Dad

And Jimmy’s ayeways James

Ah’m scunnered wi’ it aw Dad

The way she shoogles words

Ah must be glaickit no’ tae ken

That feathered friends are burds.


Ye lernt me aw wrong Dad

Ye cawd a ball a baw

Your wife is now my Mother

You said it wis ma Maw

Ah’m no share hoo tae spell Dad

Ah’ll niver pass ma test

Whit is this ah’m wearin’ Dad

A simmet or a vest?


Ah gave ma nose a dicht Dad

When it began tae dreep

She gave me sich a fricht Dad

Ah near fell aff ma seat

Haven’t you a handkerchief

She roared as if in pain

No, ah jist yase ma sleeve, Miss

And wiped ma nose again.


Ah cawd a mouse a moose Dad

Ah shid hiv held ma tongue

That’s manure aon yir bits Dad

Nae longer is it dung

It’s turnips and potatoes

No tatties noo and neeps

She said I’d ripped my trousers

When ah’d only torn ma breeks.


There’s twoch words fir awthin’ Dad

They’re jumbled in ma heed

Hoo kin I be well bred Dad

When ah keep sayin’ breed

Now is a crow a craw Dad

Is a bull a bul

A’ll try tae to get it richt Dad

I will, I will, ah wull.

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